Maria-Thérèse Sommar, fotograf och frilansjournalist i Härnösand och Höga Kusten

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Why you should not watch the film Cloverfield / Varför man inte ska se filmen Cloverfield

In this post I will be revealing the complete plot of the movie Cloverfield along with all the dialogue and show a few illustrations of everything that happened. Don't worry; it will be a short post.
I det här inlägget kommer jag att avslöja hela handlingen i filmen Cloverfield, all dialog i filmen och jag har även illustrerat allt som händer. Oroa er inte; det blir inget långt inlägg.

I was so traumatized after watching the film that I had to write about it in my journal. Not because the film was so scary but because it was that bad. The scenario: It's my birthday. The guests have gone. I rent a dvd because I like to end my birthday with a good film. There isn't much to choose from. I pick Cloverfield which seems to be a good action movie since 22 customers have given it 4,5 points out of five. I am mistaken.
Jag var så traumatiserad efter att ha sett filmen att jag behövde skriva dagbok om det. Inte för att filmen var så otäck utan för att den var dålig. Scenariot var som följer: Det var min födelsedag. Gästerna hade gått. Jag hyrde en dvd eftersom jag tycker om att avsluta min födelsedag med en bra film. Det fanns inte så mycket att välja på. Jag tog Cloverfield för det verkade vara en bra actionfilm då den fått 4,5 av 5 i betyg av 22 kunder. Jag trodde fel.

The plot: A big monster invades Manhattan. It eats people. Everyone dies.
Handlingen: Ett stort monster invaderar Manhattan. Det äter folk. Alla dör.

The dialogue consisted of these two frases, repeatedly repeated: "Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!" and "Run! Run! Run!"
Dialogen bestod av dessa två meningar som upprepat upprepades: "Herregud! Herregud! Herregud!" och "Spring! Spring! Spring!"

The monster looked like a very large lizard. There were mechanical-looking spiders falling from its body. They chewed on people. The monster ripped off the statue of liberty's head and threw it on the ground. People shouted: "Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!" and "Run! Run! Run!"
Monstret såg ut som en mycket stor ödla. Från dess kropp föll spindlar som såg mekaniska ut. De tuggade på folk. Monstret slet av frihetsgudinnans huvud och kastade det till marken. Folk skrek: "Herregud! Herregud! Herregud!" och "Spring! Spring! Spring!"

I did not know this was a film about a huge monster. I thought it was going to be about a natural disaster, a virus or something. Even if you believe in monsters - and who doesn't? - I do think you need to make them more believable. What's up with spiders falling off a lizard's body?
Jag visste inte att det var en film om ett stort monster. Jag trodde det skulle handla om en naturkatastrof, ett virus eller något annat trevligt. Även om man tror på monster - och vem gör inte det? - tycker jag att man måste göra dem mer trovärdiga. Spindlar som faller från en ödlas kropp? Jag tror inte det.

Why does the monster only invade Manhattan? Why does it only eat people and not animals? The single beautiful thing about the film was when you see this white horse with a carriage walking alone in the dark since everyone had been eaten. Is it a metaphor? Does it have to do with terrorism? Why do people go outside and get eaten instead of trying to barricade themselves indoors? Is it a deep film or is it just stupid? How did they get the money to film this sort of thing?

There were three good things about the film: 1) the beautiful white horse, 2) the fact that it ended, 3) that it was only 70 minutes long which is still far too long.

Are you still planning to watch this film? All I can say is: Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Run! Run! Run!

Varför invaderar monstret bara Manhattan? Varför äter det bara människor och inte djur? Det enda fina i filmen var när en vit häst ensam gick omkring och drog en vagn för alla hade blivit uppätna. Är filmen en metafor? Handlar den om terrorism? Varför går folk ut och blir uppätna i stället för att försöka barrikadera sig inomhus? Är filmen djup eller bara korkad? Hur fick de pengar att finansiera den?

Det var tre bra saker med filmen: 1) den fina vita hästen, 2) att filmen tog slut, 3) att den bara var 70 minuter lång vilket ändå var för långt.

Har du fortfarande lust att se den? Jag kan bara säga: Herregud! Herregud! Herregud! Spring! Spring! Spring!


Laura Bray said...

I hated the film too. (I saw it on a plane to Spain.) I think in the U.S., people talked about how it was made to look like it was shot as a home movie. Kind of like the Blair Witch movie. I suppose we could talk about hidden meanings and seeing events through the lens of camera, but this movie wasn't good enough to give it the time.

Chris said...

Oh, wow, I'm so glad I read this! I kept trying to decide whether to see it, but I mostly didn't see it because of the jerky camera thing. Now I know that it's not worth 70 minutes of my life!

You are funny!

anna said...

Thanks for the warning, what an anticlimax :s At least something good came out of it..this post :) I discovered your lovely blog on your birthday btw. Happy belated birthday!

Jessica Torrant said...

This post is hilarious! I saw it in the theatre and spent half the movie covering my eyes because of motion sickness. Just thinking about it makes me dizzy.

Kristin said...

Thanks for saving me from a bad rent!

LadyFi said...

Hilarious! Sounds like a good film to miss! ;-)

Sylvie Van Hulle said...

This is soooo funny :-D
just a pity for your evening...
btw I love your new heading!!!
You inspired me again today, just by being you :-)

Louisa Erika said...

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! YOU are so wonderfully FUNNY in your bitterness towards this movie!! Hahaha!

ArtSnark said...

I'd been thinking about adding this to my Netflix Queue - now I don't have to. Loved your storyboard!

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